Our Default Drama is that core limiting belief that comes along to lure us into the belief that we are somehow not enough. Quite simply, it prevents us from living fully and authentically. Usually based in childhood or formative years, the Default Drama can be caused by events that triggered trauma, stress, fear, guilt, shame, or other negative emotions that were not processed or released. When the Default Drama shows up, we can guarantee it will negatively affect our physical, mental, and emotional well-being, as well as our relationships, career, and happiness.

We can try to suppress its negative vice like grip, which is tiring and ineffective, or we can learn to dance with it instead. 

The first thing to acknowledge about a Default Drama is that everyone has one. That is EVERYONE! The advantage comes from knowing what ours is so we can see it showing up, and when it does, we can begin the dance. When we feel that sense of uneasiness creeping in, we can ask ourselves “If I knew my Default Drama was involved here, how would I respond and what would I do differently?”

We do not deny our emotions. We simply observe and become curious about their origins and intentions. When initially identifying our Default Drama, it may be beneficial to journal feelings or discuss with a trusted friend or mentor. But there is one thing we need to know about it. Our Default Drama is there to keep us safe in our “stuckness” and clearly somewhere we do not want to live. 

Learning to dance with our DD comes when we feel the familiar traits of its presence, recognise it is at play and then rather than push it away, we acknowledge the emotions and remind ourselves that the DD is there to diminish our responses. 

Once we know there is a core limiting belief that we are entertaining, we are free to question its validity. Sure enough, we find that truth lies on the other side of our fears, and that we can then choose to recognise the fears and anxiety and respectfully decline the offer to live in that space.

Our dance continues when we know what triggers our DD, whereby we can head it off at the pass or employ strategies to deal with it. We can ask ourselves questions “Is this belief true?” “Is this belief helpful?” “What evidence do I have for or against this belief?” “What would I tell a friend who had this belief?” By challenging our limiting beliefs, we are opening ourselves to new perspectives and possibilities.

Default Dramas are no match for Gratitude. A Default Drama of “I always make mistakes” can behave very differently with an affirmation of gratitude of “I am worthy” or “I am capable.” When we acknowledge our gratitude for all our wonderful qualities, our abilities and our appreciation for all life has given to us and taught us, Default Dramas take a back seat and allow us to create a more optimistic and empowering mindset. 

Learning to dance with our Default Drama allows us to celebrate all it is to be human with all our imperfections. It prompts us to overcome core limiting beliefs and move forward with confidence and courage. Everyone has a Default Drama! Do you know what yours is? 

Our stories shape our reality. They help us make sense of the past, make plans for tomorrow, understand who we are now and what we want for the future. We all use stories as reminders of what we have been through, almost as an identity. An identity that can sometimes keep us stuck, playing small and living a life of deceit…… knowing there is something else out there.

 

The stories we tell ourselves about who we are come from our past, our experiences, the things that happened to us, the things people told us about who we were and the things we had to do to survive and to be seen and heard.  The trouble with stories is sometimes they are like a 50-year-old woman trying to fit into kids size 5 leggings, they just don’t work for us.

 

How are your stories no longer working for you? What are you telling yourself that you know deep down inside is not true? Where are you going through life knowing there is more you should be doing or being?

 

While stories may fit the past, they don’t necessarily fit the present and may be blocking the future. They can keep us stuck, preventing us from seeing and trying new things.  Holding us back.

 

Like many others, my story was ‘I am not good enough’. It came from many experiences as a sensitive little girl growing up on a farm and certainly shaped how my life unfolded. Listening to my own heart and knowing I was destined for greater things I wrote and rewrote and edited my story giving freedom to create the life I wanted.

 

Sharing our story and learning about our limiting beliefs and the why behind, takes courage.  Something wonderful happens when we begin to share our story and question it and edit it. We find people love and respect us more. There begins a trust and a deeper connection in the relationship that wasn’t there before.

 

We are not in control of our life and what happens to us, but we are in control of how we interpret it. Those new interpretations can help us get unstuck and give us the freedom to make adult choices that we couldn’t as children.

 

New stories can free us from the inner critic and defeating narratives. 

 

They create hope and possibilities for change.

 

What stories do you want to rewrite to create the life you want?

 

#rewriteyourstory #theelevationcompany #choices

When it comes to personal values…

So many of us tend to…

Gravitate towards three common sources of influence:

1. Our upbringing and the values instilled by our parents.
2. Expressing what we believe others want to hear or what dominates our daily conversations.
3. Life-changing events like loss, relocation, or relationship changes (all of which can reshape our values).

However, the real measure of our values lies in how we live our lives in the present moment.

Asking yourself questions such as:

What occupies your time and space?

How do you allocate your resources, be it money or energy?

Who do you choose to surround yourself with?

What kind of content do you enjoy consuming?

When are you at your happiest, and why?

What/Who truly inspires you?

Living out of alignment with our true values often leads to internal conflict and different forms of addictive behaviour.

In my twenties, I appeared to have it all – a successful career in AFL, financial stability, recognition from others, and the realization of my childhood dreams.

Yet, deep inside, I felt incomplete.

Despite my outward happiness, something crucial was missing. I had developed various addictive behaviours. I obsessed over my appearance, struggled to see myself positively in the mirror, meticulously monitored my diet to achieve the perfect protein-carbs-fats ratio, and used humour as a mask to hide my addictions from the world.

Fast forward to today, at 36 years of age. I am happily married with a child, involved in coaching/playing local football, and pursuing my passion for a living.

What changed?

A few years ago, I embarked on a journey of self-discovery to understand who I truly was and the kind of man, husband, father, friend, and coach I aspired to be. More importantly, I delved into the “why” behind those aspirations. Through an extensive values exploration process, I uncovered my authentic self.

My top 5 values:

1. Connection
2. Love
3. Growth
4. Security
5. Fun

Knowing these values has allowed me to live in alignment with my true self. I surround myself with people who bring out the best in me, seek opportunities for personal growth, and embrace the joy of living in the present.

Research indicates that 82% of our time, energy, resources, and money are channelled into our top 5 values, and 86% of our decisions and focus are heavily influenced by our top three. This underscores the importance of identifying our core values and making decisions that align with them.

I love working with The Elevation Company and the businesses/people that we support. We get to change lives in a REAL and lasting way. Reach out if you would like to know more, or want to chat, as CONNECTION is my #1 value, I’m here for ya!

#LivingInAlignment #ValuesMatter #SelfDiscovery #PersonalGrowth #Authenticity #Connection

You’re grounded!

No not grounded, as in in trouble and have to stay home. Although you could be in trouble if you don’t become grounded. I mean your anchoring place or thing. Your reset button. Your pause, take a breath and continue.

What’s the point of having something like that? It’s everything! And the best part about it is that you can’t be wrong about your choice, because it rings true for you. Maybe it could be, a walk on the beach, painting a picture, taking some time for meditation, sitting under a tree or listening to music. Why not have more than one?

The benefit of knowing what helps ground you to your core values and reminds you who you are seem pretty important. I know that I use a whole bunch of methods to reconnect to me. One of my main ones is going out skateboarding. Similar to when you hear people say that they need to go for a drive to clear their head. That’s what skateboarding can be to me, but it is so much more. It gives a sense of control over who I am and where I am going in life. I choose how fast or slow, left or right. It can bring back a lost sense of certainty.

In these moments I can feel myself drop back into me. And then the coolest thing I can feel when I let go of all that is going on around me and just enjoy that moment. Kids throw around the word YOLO (You only live once) a bunch. I don’t like to live by that same idea, but I do appreciate that you may only get to enjoy that exact moment once as it will never be the same. Living in that moment provides more opportunities. They might be little things but they make it all the more exciting. Stopping to pat a dog, meeting a new person or even teaching someone else how to skate.

A powerful combo for me is skating and having my music playing. A world of my own. So next time you begin to feel a sense of overwhelm, or just out of place. Find that thing that brings you back. And actually, do it! You’re important enough to take time for yourself. Everyone has their ‘thing’ so if you can explain to them in a way they understand, you’re more than likely going to find they support your action. Be connected, stay grounded.

Each of us has an underlying core limiting belief which we adopt and seem to program into ourselves at a very young age. This belief stems from an initial thought, which is then fed by a number of different experiences which we perceive to PROVE this thought until it becomes a belief. Isn’t the brain an amazing thing!

This belief is not true, but boy can it feel true. And because it often rears its head during times of stress and drama, we refer to it as our Default Drama (or DD for short).

I identified and made friends with my DD back in 2013. I hold the core limiting belief that I am not worthy. Not worthy of love, success, attention, or any other gifts life brings. I KNOW consciously, this belief is not true – I have evidence to disprove it every day, but it is still there at an unconscious level, and it shows up in a variety of ways.

For me, I know my DD is running the show when I exhibit the following behaviours:

1. Sulking (I am not worthy of being listened to)

2. Sabotaging relationships (I am not worthy of being loved)

3. Seeking external validation (I am not worthy of significance)

4. Overwork and overwhelm (I am not worthy of my job)

5. Emotional reactions (I am not worthy)

The importance of knowing my behaviours when my DD comes to play, is just as important as knowing my DD itself. When I identify myself playing out any of the patterns above (and yes, in my gorgeously human way, sometimes this takes a little time!), I can get to the core of what is going on far quicker and make different choices, knowing that I am simply reacting to my DD rather than a real situation. It is like having DD glasses, viewing the world through my ‘I am not worthy glasses’ has me focussing on the proof of that belief.

How do I take those glasses off and have more clarity around any situation? I simply ask myself: How is my DD involved in my experience of this situation, and what does it want me to learn?

What DD patterns are you running right now? How might your core limiting belief be showing up and influencing your experience of life? Worth pondering, right?

People talk about how if you’re always looking down you won’t see the world around you and what’s going on. This can apply to how you go through life, not always physically looking down, but metaphorically speaking. Are you looking at all the bad when there’s a whole life of good surrounding you? Are there rewards waiting for you and you didn’t even know it?

Never have I had such a great personal learning regarding this than when I just so happened to be looking down. 

Recently I spent time over in Myanmar. Part of the trip went through Bagan. Bagan during the 9^th-13^th centuries was the capital for the Pagan Kingdom, which later unified the region into what we now know as Myanmar. This was a site where rulers would continue to build their own temples, pagodas and monasteries to ‘out do’ those that came before them. Some of these have fallen victim to the age of time. Currently standing there are over 2000 temples and pagodas, if you count the partially standing ones you quickly move into the quantity of over 3000.

Needless to say, there’s a lot of history to be uncovered and learnt as you wander from site to site. As a keen photographer, in my downtime, I was ready to get some magical shots to try and encapsulate the entire area. At every temple I was changing lenses, trying to line everything up to look perfect. Some of the end results I am in love with. However, that’s not where my learning comes from.

Each of the pagodas are spread throughout the countryside, for some of them you have to walk through fields to get up close and personal. My brain was always looking at the next temple in preparation for how I could capture it the best way I knew how with a camera. The only other task I had assigned my brain was to make sure that I had steady ground to walk on and to not trip over anything. Nothing exciting about walking. Or is there?

On day two of walking through sites, my brain had begun to switch off on the walking parts and re-engage when ready for a photo. But then something caught my eye. A speck of red on the ground. A bottle cap? Maybe colourful paper? I paused out of interest and squatted down. It was an arachnid known as trombidiidae, or more commonly know as red velvet mites. I was fascinated, by the colour, the texture, everything! I really had to take a few minutes to admire it because it wasn’t something I had normally come across. I thought to myself ‘wow, how lucky am I to have seen this, I might not see another for the entire trip’. I was wrong!

From that point on my reticular activating system was keen to see what else came into view. These velvet mites suddenly became very un-rare, I could take 5 paces and already encounter another. It went like this for the rest of the day. Go to a new temple site? Mites. Stop on the side of the road? More mites. Taking a lunch break? Mites! To some, this might have suddenly become a boring spectacle finding the same creature everywhere, but to me each was an individual that needed to be appreciated for the colour and size. I had gone the entire first day without coming across these, and now they were everywhere! The weather hadn’t changed, the living conditions hadn’t changed. I had changed.

I hadn’t changed how I was walking. I was still looking at the ground, but now it was the most exciting thing to do! Finding something of interest to me, something that made me happy had changed the whole experience of walking to the next temple. As much as I was looking forward to seeing another temple, I was now ready to enjoy what had become an ‘adventure’ instead of just a walk to the temple.

 It made me really reflect on ‘how many opportunities in life do we pass by?’. You might be thinking you’re looking for them, but are you really? Has your focus changed at all to check if there are more ways to enjoy the world? When you do, you will surprise yourself with where they might pop up from. Take off the blinkers of your own life and have a fresh look.

You never know, you ‘mite’ find something new. 

I recently braved the Edge at the Sky Deck in Melbourne. Standing on a glass floor suspended 88 floors above Melbourne’s landscape. Not having the best balance, and usually experiencing some vertigo with heights, I was pretty happy with how it all went. Confidence was up!

Then I donned the VR headset for a virtual walk along a plank, then to grip a handset to zip line through the parks before landing safely down below.

I am an adult. I know it’s not real. I tell myself to just walk out and nothing bad can happen. I make my tentative shuffle towards the pigeons at the end of the plank. I survive one of them flying over my head, a well as the helicopter that flies way too close to me.

By then I am about halfway along the plank. And then I freeze. Can’t move, can’t contemplate moving, or going back. I am stuck 88 virtual storeys up on a plank 4 inches wide. In my head I know it is a plank nailed to the floor and I can just step off if I please. But that is not what I am feeling. The only way I can progress is to get someone to hold my hand whereby I manage to get to the zip line. Divine providence then occurred as there was some kind of error and the zip line took me straight down to ground level. A nice young man asked if I would like to go again. Um no thanks!

The interesting thing I learned was that although I knew the reality beyond the VR headset, my feelings and reactions were still driven by what I could see…..even though I knew they were not real.

It has caused me to wonder how often we all react and make decisions based on only what we see rather than what we know to be true. It has made me ask the question “If I had someone coaching me from in front telling me to keep going and reminding me it was not real, could I have made it to the end?” This has cemented in me the importance of having a willing and available support team, ready to encourage or hold your hand if necessary.

We all walk the plank. Some can do it alone, some need encouragement, and some need a helping hand. Sometimes it’s virtual, sometimes it’s real. But the learning comes from how it makes us feel.

Are you a believer in manifestation?

I must admit, I spent most of my life thinking manifestation was just magical voodoo stuff that other people believed in.

That was, until I experienced it firsthand, in an incredibly impactful way…. which I did not acknowledge the gift of, for some time after.

June 2012, I visited my doctor who asked how I was managing giving up cigarettes. I explained that I was finding it really hard and that perhaps a scare, like first stage emphysema, would motivate me. Three days later, I experienced a stroke, that ‘should’ have taken my life. Yes… insert the warning: ‘be careful what you wish for.’

Does that sound like manifestation to you? It felt entirely accidental and I was still not entirely convinced.

Fast forward to two years later where I decided to take part, out of curiosity, in a beta online program based around manifesting your ideal partner. During the program we were instructed to complete a number of guided visualisations, one of which included visualising each of your ex-partners sitting with you and had you both exchanging all residual emotion you had towards each other, letting go with forgiveness and love. Whilst, I admit, my ideal partner did not appear after the program, within the 6 weeks of completing it, much to my amazement, I was contacted by each of my ex-partners, a couple of which I had not spoken to for over 20 years! Work that one out!

Since those experiences, I have researched and practised a number of different manifestation techniques. Those that involve vision boards, meditations, setting a solid clear intentions, tuning in energetically to what it actually feels like to have what you ask for, and verbalising/writing down a ‘6 – 12month from now’ scenario where you describe exactly what it looks like, feels like, sounds like, tastes like etc to have what you asked for.

I can honestly say that all of these have resulted in some form of manifestation. Some big and some small. And the key behind them all…. Belief. Belief with certainty that the Universe is working to give me exactly what I want and need to be the best version of myself and make the difference I was born to make in the world.

Do you believe? Can you afford not to? <3